Finally!!! I've been waiting for you!

Want to Complain, Collude, or Collaborate?

Welcome to the part of the internet where yelling into the void actually gets a response. Whether you're a concerned citizen, a slightly unhinged fan, a humorless critic, or a corporate sponsor with a checkbook — you're in the right place.

Don’t be shy. Pattie isn’t.

Fill out the form below and your message will be reviewed by a certified Freedom Intern™ (me) working unpaid from a bunker made of expired canned goods.

Name (Real, Alias, or Witness Protection Identity) *

Email (Required, unless you're psychic) *

Phone (For funny texts, not fake princes or car warranty scams)

UNLEASH the message!!!

If your message includes conspiracy theories involving frogs, lizard people, or gas stove seances, we reserve the right to laugh before responding.Hate mail may be recycled into future merch designs. Thanks in advance for the inspiration.

I agree to terms & conditions I solemnly swear to use this satire responsibly and not blame you when I spit coffee on my keyboard.I agree to receive text messages from this badass business.