Here’s a hilarious yet legally sound cookie policy written in Pattie Riot’s signature style: witty, hyper-self-aware, high-glam, and media-savvy — but still

🍪 Cookie Policy for PattieRiot.com

Last Updated: June 29, 2025

✨ TL;DR (Too Legal; Didn’t Read)

Yes, we use cookies. Yes, they track you. No, we’re not selling your secrets to the Illuminati (yet). Keep reading if you want the full crumbtrail.

🍪 What Even Is a Cookie?

A cookie is a tiny piece of digital drama — a text file stored on your device that helps websites remember who you are and what you’re into (like that time you binged 17 articles on “emotional branding and strawberry gloss”).

We use them to give you a better experience, analyze traffic, and serve up content that slays (instead of spams). They're not edible. Yes, it’s a branding flaw.

📚 Types of Cookies We Use

1. Essential Cookies

These keep the site functional. Without them, everything breaks — like a mascara wand on Day 3.

2. Performance Cookies

We use tools like Google Analytics to understand how people move through the site (gracefully, chaotically, or otherwise). These cookies are anonymous — we see the vibes, not the names.

3. Functionality Cookies

These remember things like your login, language preferences, and whether you opted out of our cookie banner in a fit of righteous rage.

4. Marketing & Advertising Cookies

We may use third-party cookies (like Meta Pixel or Google Ads) to serve you ads that are actually relevant. Think less “Car Insurance You Don’t Want” and more “Lip Gloss You Googled at 2AM.”

🤖 Third-Party Cookie Entanglements

We work with third-party services that may also set cookies on your device — including but not limited to:

*Google Analytics**

*Meta Pixel**

*Email marketing tools**

*Consent management platforms** (they’re the ones asking if you “Accept All” or want to micromanage your destiny)

These cookies follow their own privacy policies, so if you want to really deep dive, pack a lunch.

💅 Your Consent, Your Rules

When you land on PattieRiot.com, you'll get a pop-up asking how you'd like your cookies served. You can:

*Accept All** (Go off, data diva)

*Customize Settings** (Curate your digital boundaries)

*Decline Non-Essential Cookies** (We respect the ‘no’)

You can also control cookies through your browser settings. Just know: rejecting cookies might make parts of the site behave like they’ve had too much rosé and not enough UX testing.

🔐 Data Retention & Privacy

Cookies don’t last forever. Some disappear when you close your browser (like your motivation), others hang around for a bit to remember what you love. For how we treat your actual data, check out our [Privacy Policy](/privacy-policy).

📞 Questions?

Want to know more about how we use cookies? Need to file an emotional support ticket for consent fatigue? Email us at the webpage contact form on the webpage and we’ll break it down like a 2007 Tumblr post.

📌 Final Disclaimer (Because Lawyers)

This policy is meant to be legally transparent and enjoyable to read. It does not constitute legal advice. If you need legal advice, talk to a real human lawyer — not one made of code, sequins, and sass.